Gonna be happy now

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Hello, my name is Felicity, and I'm unhappy. (*Hello Felicity* from the chorus.) I can remember berating myself at ten years of age for not being a better, happier, more grateful person. Which I'm sure was incredibly helpful.

According to wikipedia (may it live forever), some researchers say 50% of our happiness is genetically determined. To that I say phooey. (I might not be naturally cheerful, but I have the arguably more impressive gift of sheer bloodymindedness.)

So I sit here, in my very nice room, with my very nice cat, expecting my very nice boyfriend in an hour or so, and I find myself once again berating myself for not being. . . better, somehow. But I'm older now, and in a rare position of strength. And I like a challenge. So I've decided to become happier. Satisfying goals tend to be well-defined, so I'm going to be perfectly clear, and entirely focused. I've heard it takes six weeks to break a habit, so that's the time period I've chosen.

Today is Friday the 13th of June. For the next six weeks I, Felicity, shall exert all my powers into becoming happier by whatever means necessary. I will make weekly reports on my progress, and an eventual conclusion. What happens after that is up to me.

What I need to do is set manageable goals, so I can see progress and feel like I'm getting somewhere (in contrast to my novel-writing and most of the rest of my life). I need 'happiness routines' where I consciously enjoy ordinary things, and I need to seek out new things that make me happy.

Somehow, I need to learn to live in the present (by using short-term goals and by giving myself present-day slack instead of saving up every pleasant thing for later), and to be grateful for what I have and who I am, while steering clear from negative thoughts (I guess I can set aside times to be unhappy and/or bribe myself out of those times).

There are three main areas I intend to focus on:

1. Health - physically (eating well, exercising)

               - mentally (finding ways to feel safer than I do, acknowledging that I control many of my life circumstances, and accepting things I can't control)

In practical terms, this means: NO binge eating for six weeks (this will be a record, I believe).

                                               slowing down my lifestyle (which should be quite easy, given how little time I spend working - I think if I get up at 9am instead of 10am I will be able to write/exercise more before work...we'll see)

                                               I can control my weight - I'd like to weigh 70 kilos by the end, but I'll probably have to modify that goal since dieting is not happiness-inducing (I'll weigh myself all the same, since it's so handy for measureable progress). I can also control my room, so I'll spend time arranging it perfectly and taking stock of how nice my house/room is. I can (to some extent) control the behaviour of my students, so I'll focus on developing a plan for my troublesome after-school-care family. I have a reasonably good reputation for hosting hosue parties, so I'll plan some nice short-term goals along those lines. I will feel safer if I have more savings, so I'll work on that (can't do much about my debt at present, particularly with income-free holidays approaching, so I should just accept that and forget about it). I will feel safer with more Tim reassurance, so I'll be more open and he'll most likely tell me what I want to hear.

2. Pleasure - doing things that are fun

                  - spending time with people (including behaving in a kind manner)

In practical terms, this means: I should spend more time with my mum, and upgrade some of my more interesting acquaintances to friends (including, startlingly, one of my housemates - what a bonus). For those of my friends that stress me out, I will make an extra effort to shut myself off to their annoying aspects and to enjoy the rest of them. I will do at least one really excellently fun activity per day.

3. Meaning - accepting myself as meaningful

                  - dealing with my current God issues (he's annoyingly self-willed, i find...)

                  - doing writing work (as I always do)

                 - doing tutoring/nannying work (as I always do)

In practical terms this means: I'll go to church regularly, and maybe Tim's Bible study as well as my own (which is also a social activity). I'll think further about how to accept myself, my writing work, and my tutoring work more readily.

Today's report:

money: $60 (but peaceful, because I'm expecting more, and have no immediate expenses)

health: physically, a slight cold (no problem)

            mentally, wavering but excited about a new challenge

sense of purpose: indirect satisfaction only regarding major goals (though I DID sell a story this week) - mainly despair. My tutoring was rough this week (after-school family badly behaved, another reduced my hours) so that feels meaningless (which is unusual, actually). Spiritually I'm hazy, sure that God is there but somewhat annoyed and hurt by his nature/my circumstances.

fun: Not good. I'm even dreading my date tonight, because Tim is emotionally distracted at present (which scares me badly).

Conclusion: The thing that's making me happiest is this shiny new goal. Other than that, things have potential, but just don't feel good.

Action: focus on happiness plan; focus on enjoying date tonight (and talk to Tim instead of being silently "patient" while he sorts himself out. Enlist him in my cause, emotionally and usefully. Flirt like a hussy.)

This week: spend more time with Mum, and with cool housemate.

Eat some chocolate and cashews (good pre-menstrual food).

Think up a strategy for the badly behaved children, and make sure the days when I see them are otherwise stress-free. Do something fun with them, somehow.

Invent one happiness routine - probably the one I already have (I get myself breakfast in bed then listen to music for an hour). Buy a coloured pen to write happiness stuff in my diary.

Fun activities:  date tonight (probably ice skating...definitely eat chips there, too - and stop after an hour if it hurts too much)

                     have a picnic breakfast at sunrise (sounds unpleasant but oh well :)     )

                     make and eat choc chip cookies (use them to connect to my Indian housemate)

                     play 'Settlers' board game with someone

                      see 'Prince Caspian' (probably happening Tuesday with Tim's friends)

                      make and play a 'pass the parcel' with the unpleasant kids (with questions inside? a mix of questions and healthy snacks? fun 'challenges'...that may or may not be homework?)

                      watch 'Bones' on Thursday while eating something exciting and unhealthy. If possible, get a friend over (who will accept the goodness of Bones without complaint)

                     dinner at Tim's parents

                      meet a friend for lunch at Black Pepper cafe (or Pancake Parlour), or go myself.

Fel

Image by Donna Cymec
Courtesy of Creative Commons