Stressmonkey

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To fully encapsulate my mood, I should writelikethis.

But it's annoying.

A moment of history: I've spent the last two years tackling an anxiety disorder, and have only just wrestled it to the ground. I owe my parents $11,000, which is roughly what I earn in a good year (how did I even SPEND that much in two years, I wonder).

A moment of recent history:

I have jobs! Delicious jobs! Jobs that start in the mid to late afternoon, four days a week! (Plus my little nephew on Sundays). It's terribly exciting, and I actually, honestly love my work. Every bit of it. And I'm even good at it (and experienced, but I had to avoid it for a while coz of anxiety).

So:

I have money! Ooh, fine golden showers of money! *maniacal laughter ensues here*

The boost to my confidence is incredible. Suddenly I'm saying yes to more work (more difficult work - though still excellent). Suddenly I'm moving out of the parent's granny flat (to someplace cheaper, so I can pay OFF debt, at least a little). Suddenly....I can't think of a third thing, but you get the drift.

Well, suddenly I have less time. And I love it! But I love it in a manner that a stalker loves their prey...obsessively, unhealthily. I'm so high on my success + new stress that I can't sleep through the night, can't let go of ANYTHING (the diet I'm on, my usual 20 hours of writing a week, etc).

And I feel fantastic. (Manic, I believe, is the term.) A part of me has learnt a hard lesson over the last two years. That lesson is: STOP. SLOW DOWN. BREATHE.

I am of course ignoring it. Stress feels wonderful. It really does. I'm flying high, and I just hope I don't crash too hard.

This weekend I plan to:

lose half a kilo

write for 20 hours (I'm doing extra hours in order that last year adds up to 1000 hours total)

babysit my nephew

find a new place to live

Wish me luck. Right now it's 2am, and I'm doing an hour of writing before I go to bed (that hour is the last official hour for this week, making the next twenty a bonus). My shoulders ache from typing, and my eyes are blurring already. It's gonna be great.

Fel