That God is like Bob Dylan

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I just saw "I'm Not There" and it was even more confusing than I'd expected. Dylan is the definition of enigmatic.

Three hours later, having my nightly God time, I've more or less forgotten the film but I found myself filled with nerves about approaching God (which sounds a lot more reasonable when I phrase it like that. He is God, after all).

I'm the type of Christian that believes that God is, essentially, a friend (while also an absolute monarch, and not to be trifled with). In some ways, he's a pretty sucky friend. He doesn't communicate well; he declines to give perfectly reasonably favours (since he's omnipotent, that's true-ish of any favour I ask him); he sometimes lets his friends die on his behalf. Worst of all, he's always right.

The best description of faith I've ever heard came from a medievalist friend of mine (who, incidentally, is built like Gimli and can wield an axe with battleworthy skill). He said something like, "It's like a medieval hall. He's my lord and I'm one of his men. We're eating a heap and drinking plenty. At this point it doesn't matter what the lord asks of me - whether it's to pass him another boar or to go loot and pillage a neighbouring village - I'm his man, heart and soul."

Of course I cringe at the looting and pillaging bit (and hastily reassure myself that God doesn't do that sort of naughty thing...at least not nowadays...I'm pretty sure...) but the intense, absolute loyalty is something I understand utterly. To me, God is worth dying for. Easily. It's a shame about my life, my family and friends...but I'm God's, heart and soul.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't.

Being friends with God hurts a lot. He doesn't treat me like my other friends do. He doesn't answer my requests just because I turn up on his doorstep crying or because I'm too stressed to eat or because I assure him that I need such-and-such to maintain sanity (not a joke in my case). His beliefs are different to mine, which disturbs me very much. He also doesn't tell me what's going on - in fact, he often deliberately misleads me (I am much comforted that Jesus prayed all night before choosing the twelve disciples - including Judas Iscariot. I don't know if God mislead Jesus - a tricky feat - or if Jesus knew that night exactly who would have him arrested). Frankly, God scares me.

Somehow I'm fine with all this. There are so many sides to God (The Judge/The Comforter/God With Us/The Almighty) that one bit of him can make me want to give up in the exact second another bit of him is comforting me.

Like I said. . . confusing. Sometimes it's fun (though not today...not yet. He takes a perverse pleasure in surprising me with silliness and charm and sheer joy when I least expect it).

Fel (really looking forward to seeing the picture they choose for THIS one :-)  )

Image by Jorja