Visible Poverty Line

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While researching human rights for the 'Right Now' competition, I looked up the Australian poverty line, and was thrilled to discover I'm below it. It's always nice to be told I'm suffering. (Fantasy of the day: I'm in the doctors office, and she gasps the following: "My goodness! You have personality detrimentia! Are you aware that you have a fungus in your heart that has caused you to be rude and unpleasant and a general blot on the face of humanity?" Me: "Uh. . . no. What are you saying?" Her: "I can't believe I didn't diagnose this years ago! You've done so very well to be as nice as you are. Why, allowing for the effects of this condition, you must be a saint! Here, take these pills so your REAL personality can fully emerge!")

So I've decided to compile some of my poverty skills for your delectation. Here it is - the how to survive guide of 2008:

Entertainment:

Don't buy stuff. Ever. If you want to read books, borrow them from the library. If you want music, get friends to lend you their CDs (and/or burn them). Find out about free entertainment and go to it (preferably organising friends to go with you, so you get 'social credit' for a fun event).

Get a boyfriend. They're terrifically handy once you get honest enough to admit you just can't pay for things. (The down side is that you need to get them presents, and look pretty, both of which cost money.)

Social:

There are three main hazards in the social arena. The first is social dinners/eating out/coffee. The second is presents. The third is entertainment. (Also clothing, but other than op-shopping there's not much you can do except repair what you have and just keep wearing it.)

Sometimes - particularly in a new friendship - you simply have no choice but to eat out. Try to use the opportunity to get either nutrition (meat, for example) or psychological satisfaction (by REALLY ENJOYING that chocolate biscuit, instead of resenting/freaking out over the expense).

Honesty is the best policy, if your friends can deal with it, but try to suggest alternatives instead of just whining that you can't join in on fun stuff (ideally, go to the fun expensive stuff sometimes, so your friends don't start leaving you out). Or you can avoid eating out by simply suggesting something else. "There's a nice park near my house. How about a picnic?" Or, if things are especially bad, you can choose to either say no to the event, or to go but not eat ("I've already eaten" "I'm dieting" "I'm doing a religious fast."). It's worth noting that the non-eating option is fairly awkward, and extremely unpleasant for you (so make sure you stuff yourself before you go).

House parties or dinner parties give the most flexibility, although generally you'll have to return the favour at some point. For parties with alcohol, save up and buy a bottle of something that is fascinating but that no-one drinks (Frangelico works pretty well, because it smells so great and tastes only ok). That way it lasts through several parties. For dinner parties, bring home-made cookies. Instead of looking stingy, you look generous and competent. You'll also need to work out a few extremely cheap main courses for when you are the host (I'm assuming you're hiding you poverty from your friends). Vegetarian (particularly with fresh vegetables, so it feels 'special') will probably work best. Or you can have a pancake day. . . it's a huge treat for everyone, and costs very little (1c flour, 1c milk, 1 egg, butter for frying, sugar and lemon and imitation syrup for topping).

My only advice on entertainment is to look for cheap/free stuff, and suggest it to a group before they have thought of something more expensive. In Canberra, join the ANU film club. It's about $30 per semester, but you can watch literally hundreds of movies, including all the hits (sometimes while they're still showing at cinemas). And you get to bring guests sometimes, which is extremely handy (particularly if you can then get friends to join, so they start suggesting it for themselves).

Finally, presents. The all-time greats are cookies (feels personal because it's home made), mix CDs made for the person (again, personal), and second-hand books (you can always find one or two that look new - or interesting, or both). If you don't know someone well, go for a new-looking book so they can't possibly know how little you spent on them. Knitted scarfs are great for girls in winter (particularly if they choose the wool). Definitely hand-make your cards (or buy bulk blank packs). Recycled presents are okay if you're VERY careful (and/or make a big joke of it). If you know people who are sick of commercialism, agree not to buy each other presents, or to only spend $5 (or whatever).

Bonus Feltip: If you have a birthday or Christmas coming up, think carefully about objects you need - a toaster, for example, or new bedlinen, or clothes - and be ready to suggest it if anyone asks you what they should give you (this happens a lot and is extremely useful).

Transport:

Walk or ride anywhere you can (plan ahead). Remember it's good for you (saving gym or sport costs). Otherwise, there's public transport. Hosting friends at your house can save a lot of money, though it tends to cost in food. On the other hand, you get social credit, which can save you more money (eg if you host friends at your house it might be easier not to go to a restaurant later on).

Nutrition:

If you can possibly help it, don't get sick. Get to know how far you can push your body, and don't push it farther.

To fill your stomach, use rice (peanut butter, eggs and sausage are the cheapest protein; sausage works best for filling up).

To get pleasure from eating, eat pancakes - they're a wonderful treat (I once lived almost entirely on pancakes for several months, and during that time I averaged $5/week on food. I don't advise doing that though.) They're also great for breakfast (cereal is expensive, and the sugar in the pancakes helps start the day).

To get nutrition, use your friends. Try to have at least three 'real' meals in a week - ones with meat and vegetables. If possible, have one or two friends that you have dinner with once a week. (Either friends who know what's going on and are willingly contributing, or people that you sometimes invite back, but feed with cheaper food.)

Always remember where your priorities lie: whatever happens, don't lose your friends. If possible, don't lose your job (by being too malnutritioned to work). Acknowledge that you can't be perfect, so you will have to waste money on something - it's probably best to waste money on eating out with friends (social credit + nutrition). Always buy bulk items first when you get paid. Debt is always bad, and rarely worth it. Your priority is survival until something changes.

Fel

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